The Joys of Office Politics: 5 Corporate Douchebag Types

August 12, 2013 Chloe Young

corporate assholeAh! Office politics. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them. No matter how big or small the office you work in, there will always be a game of politics – the key is knowing how to play. It is not necessarily a negative addition to the workplace – in its best form, office politics are a way of communicating to one another effectively, however in its worse form, it can be a case of dog-eats-dog.

Since a startup is in its early days of business, office politics are just beginning to take shape and as the company grows, the skills and characteristics of the employees will do too, so you can have more of a positive impact on one another. A startup strengthens a team and generally the characters within that workplace can be a lot more sympathetic.

We can all identify with stereotypical characters you will find in any workplace, however lets take a look at 5 (of the many) corporate douchebag types that you probably won’t find at a startup: 

 1. Mr Big Shot

This guy is the ultimate corporate douche.  He (or she) is always looking for an opportunity to brag about how wonderful and better they are than everyone else. They put themselves on a pedestal which doesn’t require them to learn any new skills because they think they are an expert of EVERYTHING. When in fact they are ignorant, obnoxious, derogative and certainly not a team player. What with learning new skills, pushing boundaries and working hard as a team at a startup, this kind of character certainly wouldn’t go down well. And to top it off, startups promote equality and encourage all employees to have their say, which prevents Mr Big Shot from dominating meetings and conversations – HURRAH!

2. Mr Inappropriate

The type of douchebag you want to avoid at all costs. This guy likes to fill the office air with his supposed masculinity, quick to make a sexist joke at any opportunity. His attitude is old school and completely inappropriate. You’ll find him gawping at women because he clearly isn’t getting any at home, as much as he likes to claim that he is. The new girl had better watch out when Mr Inappropriate is leering his way around the office.

3. Ice Queen

This coworker is cold, oh so very cold. Approach her desk with fear and don’t be surprised if she doesn’t look away from her computer. This type of employee doesn’t know the meaning of fun and will only deliver short, blunt and very professional responses. Feel very sorry for whoever her assistant may be! Although a case of the ice queen can be seen in many different workplaces, a startup environment tends to follow the notion of work hard, play hard, which excludes all ice queens.

4. The Snitch

Nobody likes a snitch, especially in an office where you work 5 days a week.  A snitch will rat on anybody about anything if it means climbing one more step up the corporate ladder. Not only does it create a negative office environment, it takes up the managers valuable time. Bad mouthing your fellow employees to make yourself stand out, is not a way to sell yourself.

5. The Slacker

There’ll always be one hiding away in their corporate cubicle day dreaming or Facebooking their working hours away. And then when you do ask for a helping hand, they always have “more important things to do”. Working in a team with a slacker is a nightmare situation, they don’t pull their weight and more pressure falls on you when having to meet deadlines. A startup is in its early stages so you get to know your team really well – slacking definitely doesn’t fit into a startups strong team ethics.

Avoid these 5 corporate douchebags and join a startup today. Have you seen our jobs board bursting with opportunities to work with some AWESOME people?

Please feel free to share any office personalities you’ve encountered in the comment box below: